Polio Survivors - Why Do We Feel So Alone?
Question: " I've heard the comment that polio survivors often feel alone. Why do you think this is so ? Do others with chronic conditions feel similar? Why do we as a group often feel this way is something I have asked myself many times. I have a hard time letting others in for reasons I am unaware of.“
Answer: Yes, people with chronic conditions often feel some level of being alone, even if they are in a crowd. It is understandable in several ways.
First, imagine something heavy has fallen on your foot. It hurts. Pain. A friend is there to comfort you. They, however, cannot feel the same pain you are feeling. There is an element of feeling alone in that. They do not really understand.
Second, besides the pain, there's also the fear that you may never walk properly again.
Or that you don't know how long this pain will go on.
Or fear that you damaged something seriously in your foot.
With that fear there can be a feeling of hopelessness, and even helplessness. It is natural for anxiety and some level of depression to arise from feeling helpless, and feeling alone easily comes into play.
Now comes a third point.
Add to the above a chronic element, one in which the pain or some sense of disability is always present and has been, "forever". One can easily expect the person to experience feeling hopeless, helpless, nervous, depressed . . . and alone. Those feelings in turn affect how we function in life.
Our emotions greatly influence our behavior, our plans, our outlook on life, and more. It is important therefore to be aware of our emotions. To be aware of our inner world. In the writing above we have been exploring how a person with chronic pain can feel a bit helpless, depressed, alone, and more. The question is, what can be done to help the mental state of a person who has either chronic pain or a chronic sense of feeling less capable than they had?
My main suggestion to people, including myself, is this:
Refuse to Feel Helpless.
Feeling less helpless will reduce anxiety, depression, and feeling alone. Further, I claim there is always something we can do.
A story may help here. This is a true story, and one that I am every-day thankful that I experienced.
As I was leaving my office one evening, a young lady . . . . age maybe 18, who I had never seen before . . . was trying to enter the lady's room which was locked. She appeared to be in some level of urgency. I reached in my pocket for the building keys and opened the door for her. Now knowing that I work in the building, she held up her hand while explaining that she found this object on the second floor and did not know what to do with it. That object was a key. I pointed out to her that it was a key to the very lady's room she was trying to enter. I placed the key in the lock of the lady's room door to show her it turned the tumbler of the lock. That young lady had the awareness to say, and I quote her, "How ironic is that!" She had the key in her hand the whole time, yet she felt helpless. And that's my point. We can feel helpless but there's a key somewhere that will either unlock the problem or at least help. Always something we can do.
So I encourage all of you/us who are feeling a bit alone or depressed or anxious or helpless to think about what you can do . . . any small things you can do to feel less helpless, less stuck, and less alone. Make a list of things you can do to feel less worried about your chronic pain, or to feel less alone in the world. Each of those items on your list will be valuable . . . and each will be part of a key that helps solve the problem. We are not helpless!!
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist